Why do we tend to hide ourselves versus being vulnerable, and what does the Bible say about it ?
To be vulnerable is to be susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm. It means to put yourself out there in a way that exposes you either physically or emotionally. Your very first thought may be, “why would I do that?” In this blog I want to focus more on making ourselves vulnerable in the emotional sense and answer that question of “why?” But also the questions of “how and to whom?”
Our human nature tells us that being vulnerable is too risky and that it is best to protect ourselves from ever feeling hurt or pain. You can notice this by how you naturally respond when something or someone hurts you. When you stub your toe, you may pull it off of the ground and caress it to ease the pain. When someone hurts you during a conversation, you may feel the desire to withdraw from the conversation and shut down in efforts to safeguard your heart and feelings. This survival skill is not a new concept, nor is it one that is seemingly problematic to the average person.
However, it is a skill or a habit that is not so helpful to the members of the body of Christ.
I believe that the goal in Christ is for there to be so much love and safety that a person can be their truest self and still find acceptance, validation, and support.
If solitude was the will of God for our lives, I believe that He would have seen it as a good thing when He created Adam alone in the Garden. (Genesis 2:18) However, He decided that it was not good for man to be alone. Though this scripture is always referenced in the context of marriage, I believe it can also be applied to how Christ sees humanity.
We truly need one another. We do not need superficial and surface connections, but we need honest, deep, and transparent connections that speak to the truth of who we are.
Resisting vulnerability could create a lonely space to live in. To feel like everyone knows you but no one truly sees you is a devastating feeling.
Maybe you were once more trusting and were vulnerable with someone who hurt you.
The truth is, there is no guarantee that you will not be hurt while being vulnerable or that you will not hurt someone else while they are being vulnerable with you. It is something that you can be led in and trained by the Holy Spirit in. It is also something that requires grace on both ends.
So, how can we be more vulnerable with others?
James 5:16 in the amplified version says, “Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available”.
In order to live this scripture, there are a few requirements:
Being vulnerable requires honesty. You have to first be honest with yourself and come to terms with the flaws and sins that you have. You do not have to be ashamed because if you can admit it, it does not rule over you. Release it and it will be washed away by the blood of Jesus. Once you come to terms with what you have done or what you have not done, you need to be connected with someone who you can be completely honest with and tell it all.
Being vulnerable requires direction from God. Everyone does not have the understanding or the maturity to live this scripture yet. So, you need the Holy Spirit to guide you and show you who you can trust and be vulnerable with. Trust and expect Him to show you exactly who you can confide in and who you should not share with.
Being vulnerable requires prayer. You and the person you are being vulnerable with should strive to grow in the act of giving the heavy things back to God. He does the healing and the restoration and the lifting of spirits. Give Him access by praying.
Being vulnerable requires reciprocity. Not only are you bearing all with another person, that person should be able to do the same with you. The scripture says to confess to one another and pray for one another. This draws the picture of there being back and forth confessing and praying. This does not have to happen at the same time, but it should be present in the relationship. There should be times where one is weak and being covered and prayed over by the other and vice versa. Be the friend that you need in people.
This scripture says that you can be healed and restored through the act of confessing and praying with one another! This is a big deal to me because He is freely giving me instruction on how to break out of bondage, brokenness and other chains. However, it also shows the contrast of the state that a person can be in when they do not confess their sins and resist vulnerability.
If healing and restoring can come from confessing, imaging what brews in your soul when you harbor everything inside!
If you realize that you have been harboring all sorts of stuff inside, keep reading! Here is some strategy!
In all situations, we can be completely vulnerable with Jesus. He will never leave us because of something we tell Him. He will never be disgusted with our dark secrets and He won’t even be surprised at the full and vulnerable you, because he designed you and knows you deeply. We all definitely have room to be more vulnerable with God and trust that He listens and cares. Start today! You can find a quiet place to meet with Him and talk freely to Him or you can find some paper and write everything to Him. I do both. I have kept a journal for years and when I get overwhelmed or I don’t have the words to speak verbally, I write any and everything down to Jesus and He takes it. Other times, I speak to Him out loud. I do this mostly in the shower, when I am alone, or when I am about to lose my mind and fly off the handle.
In most situations, you can be vulnerable with your parents or people who have decided to be a parental figure to you. They are like built in support systems who have consistently known you and made themselves available to you. It is true that some people have lost their parents or simply do not have good ones. I do believe that God is aware of this, cares about this, and provides other people who will care and pray.
In other situations, God will create connections for you. A trustworthy friend, a mentor, a therapist, a spouse, a family member, etc. Therapy is a great option. There is healing in confessing, a therapist will listen and ask the right questions to help you dig out information and perspectives that you may have not been aware of. You may need to mend some relationships and mature in the kind of friend that you are to expect that same response from a friend but it is well worth it and necessary to have someone you can do this with.
I have found that I am able to be completely vulnerable consistently with my husband and with my mother.
In my marriage, I have truly experienced the value of vulnerability in the life of a believer. Here is an example that I lived in this week alone. On this particular day, I had a long and stressful day. I unknowingly fell into a really low place emotionally and found solace only after putting our daughter to bed and burying myself under my sheets in our dark room. Even then, sadness that I could not identify with began to weigh on me. As my husband got off of work, he called me to talk to me on his way home. He asked if I was doing okay. Honestly, I was doing okay because nothing had happened to me and I figured I needed to just rest. However, I wanted to remain vulnerable with him so I explained how weird I felt. I told him about how nothing had physically happened to me but I felt that I was in a low place. His response made me glad that I chose to open up. He shared that he felt the same way the day before and what God told Him once he prayed about it. He went on to encourage me and helped me to see the truths and deceptions in my feelings. His simple words reminded me that even in my efforts to deal with my feelings, I hadn’t given them to God. Our conversation led to us connecting in a way that was needed for that moment and I attribute that to the help of the Holy Spirit and our willingness to be vulnerable with each other in our marriage. By the time he made it home, I no longer felt heavy and stayed up to chat and catch up with him.
The blessing is that God gave me my husband because He knew he would compliment me in this way and so many others. We have both hurt each other in different ways in the past however, we still fight to trust each other. We are completely honest without giving or receiving judgement (most times). And as shown in the example above, when I show my sin or my issues to him, he also showed his. And in the same way we pray for and cover each other
Lastly, I do realize that there is a huge side of vulnerability that presents itself after you have tried to be vulnerable with someone and that trust was betrayed in some way. In my next blog I will be tackling the topic of how to recreate a safe place for vulnerability after trust has been lost in relationships like marriage and family. Make sure you scroll to the bottom of this site and subscribe so that you do not miss it!
This week, evaluate your level of vulnerability with the people that you are the closest to. Are you able to bare it all with them? or do you hold back? why do you do what you do? Also, evaluate your vulnerability with Jesus. Do you truly tell Him and give Him everything? If not, adjust! Ask Him who you can be open with and how to be a trustworthy friend or partner.
With Love,
Hannah Giles
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